No Harm in a Talisman
by a-lonely-scribe
Summary: Madeline would say that it had started when Gilbert mailed her a letter and a pendant. He had worn it himself when he spent that summer and fall taking classes in Germany. Except, that's not really when it started. HumanAU. PrufemCan.


_**Disclaimer: **__Don't own Hetalia._

_Madeline - femCanada  
Willem - Netherlands  
Elina - Liechtenstein  
Estevan - Cuba_

* * *

She would say that it had started when he mailed her a letter and a pendant. He had worn it himself when he spent that summer and fall taking classes in Germany.

Except, that's not really when it started.

They had always been on the periphery of the other's attention. Friends. They met in a moment of alcohol-fuelled bravery by Madeline. She introduced herself, grin wide and over-stretched to the two boys next door, the grumpy and sarcastic Roderich and the loud and wild Gilbert. An unlikely pairing trapped into a dorm room for eight months.

Their relationship hadn't outlasted that.

And Madeline hadn't really expected to see either of them again when she left and moved in with her brother.

And she didn't really.

Everyone just talked and talked and talked and all of it was mixed with alcohol and Madeline just didn't have time for that – not really. She was too busy attempting to pass her full course load and work at least twenty hours a week. How else to make rent?

So imagine her surprise, no really imagine it, when Gilbert would send her little messages through the internet, animal memes and pictures of whomever the current Doctor was.

He always talked of hooking up with her friend, then roommate, much to Elizaveta's unhappiness. She wanted nothing to do with Gilbert in any sexual manner. Just friends. "Friends with benefits?" he'd ask, grin teasing. He would have never turned her down if she had said yes. Madeline thought it was funny, it was, and further it wasn't happening to her. Elizaveta never had a problem with finding boys, they'd line up at her doorstep for a kiss. Or at least that's how it always seemed.

Madeline kept working, kept going to school, fell into a romance that had her lose her head a bit. She's a romantic after all (and that's why the pendant means so much and why she wears it around her neck, despite the fact that she is not Christian, despite the fact that she does not believe the cross will save her in her travels – she has always been damned in the eyes of the Lord).

Their meetings were usually linked with alcohol. It was a slow descent for Madeline. Gilbert managed better. He had some standards, Madeline seemed to have none. Elizaveta linked them. If not for her, Madeline was sure that her relationship with Gilbert would have never progressed past the dorms and a few drunken conversations.

But Gilbert wasn't there to weigh in on the important things, like when Madeline decided to take a term off school and move out to be with Willem. Of course not, why would he be? They were hardly friends, just passing acquaintances who rubbed shoulders every so often through mutual friends.

* * *

This is how it began: She kept a picture of a bouquet of red tulips Willem had given her as the background of her phone. The single romantic gesture she ever received from him. They fought a lot. Gilbert came over often, to pester Elizaveta. They had what became known as "girl's nights". Gilbert would bring snacks and a movie and the two of them would sit on the couch together and watch movies and talk.

Elina would sometimes join them, in her own state of anger over her messed up relationships. Yes plural. Madeline lived with a couple of regular heartbreakers. She referred to their apartment, privately, as the Den of Iniquity. (When she told Gilbert about that later he had a laughed a fit into their conversation box – Madeline was not without her wit).

Madeline would keep the door open to her bedroom, sitting at her desk typing up essays, and listen to the two of them (sometimes three of them) munch on popcorn and candy, ridiculing whatever movie Gilbert brought over (he always brought over a sci-fi type movie, an ongoing mission to get Elizaveta to enjoy the nerdier aspects of culture). Madeline would yell comments from her room sometimes, or sometimes just send obscene text messages to Elizaveta (a social butterfly, never without her phone) about her and Gilbert cuddling on the couch.

She received more than one bruise from Elizaveta for those (and more than one high-five from Gilbert).

They shared a lot of the same interests. They liked to hike in the woods, liked to watch sci-fi, liked to have long rambling conversations about nothing with a beer in hand (though not completely drunken).

She was still dating Willem, but then the fighting became too much, tearful phone calls, too many breaks in promises. She deleted the tulips off her phone in her anger. Whiskey started to taste a little sweeter, especially cold from the freezer, from the bottle, in the middle of the afternoon, in the kitchen. (Nobody thought to worry for her; she always kept her alcoholism under wraps.)

Elizaveta and Elina began to worry when she came home one night face bruised, eye blackened from an adventure she couldn't remember.

There wasn't any special or tender moments in real life. No, not ever. They went out together, the four of them, for Madeline's last night in the city before she went back to where she had come from and tried to sort out her life. Elizaveta was going back to her family (she had always been travelling, a barracks brat). They conjured up a way to sneak Gilbert into Elizaveta's bed and she did awake to the shock of a lifetime the next morning, tongue tripping over her own scream of surprise. Gilbert snapped a picture and he and Madeline laughed, curled up on the couch together listening to history based tetris raps hungover, while she was waiting to meet Alfred to go home.

Elina and Gilbert stayed there another year, not yet ready to graduate, and stayed friends, much to Madeline's surprise. (Her surprise was to grow larger. She reflects on never being prepared.)

* * *

This is when their friendship should have ended: It was back in first year and they were all drinking and smoking and nobody ever did anything else in university, in first year, in the dorms anyways. Madeline had tried, on some nights, to sit out a Friday of drinking. It never worked. There was always someone who drew her in.

Madeline spent too much time with boys, she always had. Arthur had gotten her started on gin in the summer before. Madeline had an affinity for it – it wasn't pretty. She drank a bottle, one night, with her boys (alcoholic Ivan and cheerful Estevan) and Gilbert was there too. He was as abrasive as ever, saying rude things in an attempt to get attention (that was the kind of boy he was then). Things escalated quickly that night when he called her a slut. Gin fuelled and in a rage Madeline stood up on a chair (as Gilbert was several inches taller than she was) and punched him in the jaw. (To hear him tell it she full out slugged him and the she smirked at him right after she did it.)

Madeline herself remembers very little of that night, influenced heavily by the gin (she promises herself to drink less, but always forgets in Arthur's companionship). She does remember fleeing from Gilbert after she hit him (she swears slaps, but everyone else says punch) – an act of self preservation. Ivan and Estevan definitely saved her life that night. And Gilbert didn't speak to her for the rest of the school year.

* * *

Madeline spent the summer drinking a little to excess at her parents' house, boring Alfred to tears with her aimless, endless stories, and trying to get over Willem. She didn't think she could. Elina wrote her a million messages and begged her to come visit. So she did. Elizaveta was there too, the three reunited again. Madeline stayed with Katyusha (Alfred's never ending flame) and Elizaveta with the energetic (and slightly terrifying) Natalia. Gilbert was still there.

The three girls had drinks with him one night and he paid for them – Gilbert was forever a loyal friend once you got close enough. They talked of everything and nothing. Gilbert wished they were not to go.

Elizaveta went back to base camp and her family – eternally on the move. Madeline got a job working for an embassy faraway. They didn't even speak that much to start.

She still can't tell you how it happened. One day she realised she would sit at work stamping visas and other official documents and talk to Gilbert, sending messages in boxes and he would always respond. Eventually they talked about everything. He told her he missed her often and she found herself echoing the sentiments. Then he sent her the cross. (But he still asked Elizaveta to marry him frequently. And she continually refused.)

Madeline spent over a year away talking through that box and most of it with his pendant around her neck. She went back and he left for basic training and officer training – he had always been intending on the army.

* * *

She had never been attracted to him before. The first time she sees him again he is still wearing his officer uniform. Her mouth dries in a way that it never has before and she cannot keep her eyes off him and she starts to wonder where this attraction has come from. She already knows though she refused to admit it – its come from their year of intimate conversations through a computer screen.

They drink together that night (though after he takes off his uniform and wears a t-shirt that shows off his muscles, and Madeline wonders if he does this on purpose) and Madeline makes it a point to avoid gin. She isn't sure their relationship would survive another punching and there is no Ivan or Estevan (both have gone on to different lives) to save her tonight. She buys her own beer this time. They talk, but it feels awkward, all the conversations they have had between them, a dead weight.

They lighten when Elina meets them, a buffer to the attraction that neither of them knows how to deal with (and Gilbert had always said Madeline is pretty hot, but it has always, always been Elizaveta that he wanted to nail, not Madeline (for Madeline could never hold a candle to Elizaveta's vivacious charm – Madeline was far more quiet in comparison), and Elizaveta he kept proposing to). Elina reads their growing tensions instantly and laughs. Madeline had told her about the cross; it felt like courtship and nobody ever expected something so romantic from Gilbert. Madeline forgets to give it back to him that night and isn't sure how she will feel without the weight of it around her neck.

The next time they meet it is slightly less awkward. They had talked, briefly, while Madeline was away of living together (strictly platonically) and Gilbert wants to know if she still wanted to do that. Madeline needs a place to live and can't afford to do it alone quite yet so she says yes and hopes that her sudden attraction will fade – after all it hadn't been there before. Madeline doesn't believe in love at first sight, but she does find it strange to suddenly be attracted to someone she has known for years. Gilbert Beilschmidt had become one of her best friends somewhere along the line and Madeline isn't even sure how that happened either. He even knows about all her random hook-ups in her year away and the whole situation has just become bizarre.

They live mostly without incident, they don't argue over dishes or cleanliness too much (though Madeline refuses to set foot in the disaster that is Gilbert's room) and spend many sleepy, rainy Sundays curled up together with some bitchin' grilled cheese and sci-fi reruns.

Madeline finds her attraction to him doesn't fade, perhaps even more now, as they shuffle past each other in the mornings, knocking elbows as they drink coffee (Gilbert's milky and Madeline's black) and make breakfast (Gilbert always eggs and Madeline usually oatmeal – Gilbert forever mocking her goop).

They have eternal struggles for the bathroom; complete with awkward moments when Gilbert comes out, still wet, towel loose around his waist. She still wears his cross around her neck and Gilbert never comments on why she hasn't given it back yet. She doesn't need it anymore, she is no longer travelling.

* * *

This isn't how they get together: Gilbert gets deployed; they both know it has to happen at some point. Madeline is anxious, worried that he will die in war and writes him a letter. She includes the cross in the envelope, so his God would keep him safe. Gilbert reads it when he gets to base camp over there, and clasps the cross around his neck, praying that his God would take him back to the woman he loves.

They write each other long letters and Gilbert talks to the boys in camp about his girl back home and when his tour ends, she meets him when he gets home and its like those pictures that she would always see of the World Wars when the sweethearts and wives would wave off or wave in their boys. Gilbert's grin is too large when he sees her, auburn eyes lighting up, his uniform is unbuttoned down the front and she can see the cross that has now travelled many continents wrapped around one of their necks.

He swings his arms around her, tightly, and doesn't even give Madeline a chance to say hello before he is kissing her, fiercely, and with tongue, with no regard to who might be watching (everyone is watching, and some of the men are catcalling, and Madeline goes redder than she ever knew was possible, as all the whistles just make Gilbert hold her tighter and make his kisses even more fervent).

That isn't how they get together, because Madeline is away in another city to take language equivalency tests and she isn't even there to see him off. She had known that he was going to be deployed before she left and she gives him the cross before. But she doesn't think of the letter, or the words that she could have said, should have said before he left and spends a lot of time praying (to the God that would never listen to her prayers) for his safety.

* * *

This is what does happen: Madeline also misses when he comes back home, again away on work related business and he scares her to death when she finally does come home and she runs into him in the dark living room. Her scream shatters the midnight silence and Gilbert flicks on a light hurriedly, arms waving indicating that it was only him (it takes a least twenty minutes for Madeline's heart to stop racing).

They still stand an awkward distance apart, like the person was a ghost and not flesh and blood before them. Gilbert looks thinner, tanner, and more tired than she has ever seen him. His smile doesn't reach his eyes anymore and she kind of just wants to give him a hug (who is she kidding, she wants to do a lot more than just give the blond a hug).

They skitter around each other for a few days, trying to regain the level of comfort they had achieved before Gilbert had been taken away. His cross has kept another traveller safe. Madeline wonders if this could be considered proof in Gilbert's god.

They are in the kitchen one morning, Madeline is making breakfast and Gilbert is nursing his second cup of coffee, hands shaking around the ceramic of the mug. He is going to counselling (mandatory after tours), but Madeline isn't sure if it is helping. She makes him eggs. Their fingers brush each others' underneath the plate. Madeline flushes and nearly drops it. Gilbert raises an eyebrow.

She turns away, to keep her own eggs from burning; she doesn't even feel him come up behind her. His hands aren't shaking when they touch her hips, but his lips are when they fumble for her cheek. His breath is a low "thank you" that gets lost in her tangled hair.

Madeline turns to face him, spatula still in hand. The nearly uttered 'Gilbert' gets trapped in her mouth when he leans dangerously forward, his lips searching hers in the early morning sunlight of their kitchen. Her eggs burn, forgotten during the kiss that has them both gasping (his mouth tastes like bitter coffee and his lips are chapped).

They tiptoe around each other after that. Gilbert leaves her his breakfast, since Madeline's is brown and black in the bottom of their frying pan, and she is going to be late for work if she doesn't leave right now.

The whole rest of the day is a mess. She frets through several meetings and nearly screws up a bunch of paperwork beyond repair because she is too busy thinking about what happened earlier in the morning with Gilbert. She can't get him out of her head. Her fingers touch her lips and she still remembers the press of his there.

Gilbert isn't even home when she finally gets off work and gets back to their apartment. She throws open the door to his bedroom, heedless of the privacy she normally gives him, unable to let this go. It is empty. It is clean. All of his things are placed away carefully, there are no clothes on the floor, the bed is made. It has never looked this way (except for all those months Gilbert was on tour and Madeline tries not to think about that – her heart still jumps into her throat when she thinks about what could have happened to him over there).

She spends the night restless and alone, curled up in the couch watching terrible dramas, with a bucket of popcorn and beer at her feet. Gilbert finds her there when he comes home, glasses crooked in her slumber. He tiptoes toward her, unwilling to wake her, and touches the wire frames. Her eyes fly open, a jump of fear that makes her limbs twitch violently. She gasps when she realises its just Gilbert, heart hammering once more, like that day when she finally saw him again after his deployment. He laughs, grin stretching across his face at the sight of the scattered popcorn on the clean floor.

Madeline doesn't say anything, despite her earlier resolve. Luckily she has never had to carry the conversation with Gilbert and as always his need to talk overrides hers. His face is flushed and his actions awkward as he tries to apologise for the morning. Madeline decides that maybe it is her time to take action.

And Madeline would have laughed about the way Gilbert stops dead right in the middle of a word, his rambling apology being cut silent when Madeline places one of her hands on his cheek. His eyes widen almost comically as he realises what exactly she is about to do (Madeline has no doubt that she is just as flustered as he was just a moment ago – Elina and Elizaveta would just shake their heads; Gilbert and Madeline have always been a hopeless pair).

So they kiss again and its even better than this morning's, especially because this time they are both expecting it, and Madeline can allow Gilbert to explore her mouth and bite her lips and not worry about her breakfast burning behind her. Gilbert is an enthusiastic kisser, his hands are everywhere, and when he allows Madeline a chance to breathe his mouth is too.

When Madeline wakes up in the morning their clothes are in a pile on her bedroom floor and she can hear Gilbert singing (he calls it singing, but caterwauling is closer a description) from the kitchen. She shuffles out to meet him and he greets her with a grin and a kiss.

* * *

Their mornings seem to start out like this from now on: Gilbert refuses to sleep in his own room or in his own bed (speaks quietly into Madeline's hair while he holds her at night about the nightmares he's had in there from the war; Madeline's room is a safe haven, unhaunted). He still wakes up earlier than her, a entity that operates on less sleep than Madeline (and Gilbert finds out first hand how she turns into an absolute bear with less than eight hours of sleep in her system, and no amount of caffeine can alter her mood) and she will find him in the kitchen drinking coffee and filling out online trivia quizzes.

He gives her back the cross, says he likes it better around her neck and she needs the extra protection from his Lord (Gilbert still makes Church every Sunday, says his prayers, confesses his sins, and takes communion – Madeline still refuses to go). Though she doesn't believe in the power of the pendant she takes it anyways, there is no harm in a talisman (or so Arthur had always told her when they had been teenagers in high school together), and she likes the feel of it there and the romantic connotation behind it. After all, everything kind of started when he gave her the cross and she likes the way it goes full circle.

Except, it started way before that and it ends way after that too.

* * *

_Thanks for reading. If there are any grammatical or spelling errors let me know so I can fix them. I'd love to know what you think. Hopefully you enjoyed it._


End file.
